Nothing to See Here

I haven't been posting as much about N as I did about other placements.

Truthfully, there's just not much to say. He's a sweet, cuddly one year old with no major behavior issues or delays. He's not old enough to say or do things that are likely to be "cute" when retold to others. I don't need the release of venting on here about frustrating behaviors. His parents are kind, hard working people who are doing their best to get their baby back. There's no drama coming from them or because of them. The case is dragging, but the CASA is doing her best to keep things moving. I'm used to cases dragging by now and am just glad that I'm not the one having to jump and down to make progress.

I did just spend nearly a week in the hospital with him as he had surgery. Hopefully, this will be the last one to repair the damage done from his injury, although he will need regular followups for the rest of his life. The hospital experience was exhausting, but as good as any such experience can be. His surgery was done at a pediatric hospital that does an excellent job of making things as easy as possible for family members and patients. His parents came to visit him daily and stayed for hours -- and I could slip away while they were there. He didn't like that I left him, but he got over it quickly and it made it possible for me to cope with the nights and the rest of the day when they couldn't be there. Nurses and social workers and the hospital chaplain all came by to check on him and me regularly (the chaplain making a point to tell me to get a break every now and then, including a little mini-lecture on the importance of self-care). Friends and staff members from our church came by to visit and offered to bring me anything I wanted or needed.

I'm expecting him to be gone in about a month. That month should include gradually increasing time spent with his family instead of here.

I'm enjoying not having much to say that is blog-fodder, but it feels a little bit like I've been neglecting this lately. I probably shouldn't get too hung up on that, though; who knows who comes in next!

Random updates

Our new caseworker has been assigned and I have met her, very briefly. She seems very nice and very young and very overwhelmed. I didn't have the heart to ask if she speaks Spanish, but I suspect she does not. (I met her at the beginning of a family visit. I did not hear her attempt any Spanish when meeting N's family for the first time. Hence, my suspicion that she doesn't speak the language.)

N's CASA, on the other hand, continues to be awesome. When the new caseworker was not responding to my emails about what the plan was for a family visit the week of New Year's, the CASA went over to the CPS offices and "met with" the new caseworker and her supervisor. The new caseworker had not yet looked at our case file, which was why she was not responding. The CASA didn't say this when she told me about the meeting, but I'm pretty sure the result was the CASA setting her straight about how that's not really acceptable. She also explained to her that it is within her authority to approve unsupervised visits, that unsupervised visits should really have started before the next court date (in late February) and that it is not appropriate for me to be supervising the visits. (I'd been going to the parenting sessions because the previous caseworker asked me to attend them; I thought it was in case there was something the parenting aide told them to work on that I could help keep consistent. Pretty sure that was getting written up as me "supervising the visit" which frankly ticks me off. I would never have agreed to supervise the visit.) The CASA was also present when I met the caseworker and there did not appear to be any uncomfortable feelings, so I suspect that the setting straight was done kindly, politely, tactfully...but firmly. As I said, the CASA is awesome.

And thank heaven for that. Because the more details that come out about this case and this family, the more certain I am that there was no abuse here. It seems more and more likely that there was a horrible accident, to which the family responded appropriately by taking the child to the ER....and lost custody of their baby for half of his life so far.  Awesome CASA has drawn up a transition plan of visits in which we slowly increase from the current visit schedule of once a week for about to hours to once a week for all day (on BioDad's day off work) to weekend overnights, with the goal of having more than one weekend accomplished before court. New caseworker was supposed to discuss that plan with her supervisor and approve it.

I know you'll all be deeply shocked to hear that I don't have the approval yet.

N is doing very well. He's at the walking stage where he can do it if he's not paying attention, but as soon as he realizes he's got no support, he sits down. He's saying a few words -- of the sort that only the people who live here can identify as words, of course, and in English. He's also signing a few words, which I'm hoping will translate back to his family more smoothly. When we show him a new skill -- how to go down the stairs, how to make the book play music, how to sign a new word -- he picks it up quickly and retains it. He is sweet and cuddly and still has the best laugh ever. Reading Cherub Mama's descriptions of Daisy is reiterating to me that N's initial diagnosis was wrong -- he has a Traumatic Head Injury, but not Shaken Baby Syndrome.

This is the first child we've had where the thought of him leaving --and eventually forgetting us -- is breaking my heart, but I am confident that there is no reason to keep him from his God-given family, so I will do my best to send him off with a smile and save my tears for after the door closes behind him.

This Really Shouldn't Surpise Me

N's caseworker is leaving DFCS.

She's the only one in the office who speaks his biological family's language, so she is hoping they will hire a replacement who's bilingual. (And they really should. I've been vague, but I'll just say it. They speak Spanish. I don't live in a border state, but it's not like DFCS isn't going to need a Spanish-speaking caseworker on a regular basis.)

CW's last day is in about a week. No new caseworker assigned yet, nor has a new bilingual caseworker been hired. We've already had our home visit from the CW this month, so the new one won't have to come here until January.

When the CW went home with a stomach virus on a family visit day a few weeks ago, she told me that "Sarah" would cover the visit and that Sarah was "sitting in CW's office."

I met Sarah that day. She's very nice. This is her first job out of college and it was her second week on the job. I don't think she speaks Spanish and she didn't know how to find the lobby from "her" office. She was visibly uncomfortable at the idea of "supervising" the visit and asked me -- me! -- what all she needed to be doing.

I'm betting Sarah will be our new caseworker.

Sigh.

Falling Through the Cracks

There has recently been a well-publicized, tragic case in my area in which a family was reported for child abuse multiple times, investigated multiple times and the child died while still with the biological family.

That is the sort of case that one might think of as someone who "fell through the cracks."

I haven't been following the case. Partly because I know, intimately, how difficult it is to get the "real story" in this system, so I know that the news reports may be inaccurate. Partly because the details of the child's death are so horrific that I don't really want to discuss it with my biological children. Partly just because it makes me sick to my stomach.

But I think it impacted N's case, as the CPS offices scurry to make sure "that" doesn't happen again.

N came into care because of an injury. A criminal case was opened on the parents, based in part on the medical report given by the emergency room staff that treated him. It was also based on the fact that the family's "story" of how the injury occurred did not match the injuries that the medical report stated. Imagine that the family said he fell off a bed that was 2 feet off the floor and the medical report said that his left leg was broken in 5 places. (*Obviously, that's neither the story, nor the reported injuries.) But, here's the problem. Later medical reports don't match the original injuries stated either. (So, in my made-up example, imagine that the current X-rays show no history of broken bones in the leg at all.)

So, as best I can put it together....? Someone at the ER got their medical records mixed up.

The writer of the original medical report has been asked to submit a revised one. Until that revised report comes in, the case is at a stand still.

At the moment, N's mother, father and siblings are all living together again. He is the only one still held in care, although I think the other children may be under a "protective order" allowing CPS to check in  on them regularly and without notice. They still have "supervised" visits once a week, although they can be changed to unsupervised at the caseworker's discretion. The next court date is in February, and that is the earliest he will likely be returned home.

So, as best I can tell, this family missed out on N's 1st birthday (we were able to make that a visit day, so they at least got to see him) and will not have him home at Christmas....because someone else got their files crossed several months ago.

To be clear, the injury was big. And it's still possible he would have come into care. But I can't help thinking that he might have been ordered home at the last court date (in November) if the medical records had been correct from the beginning.

A parent aide is going to begin supervising visits in the family home (as part of the parents' case plan). The caseworker tells me that CPS can approve an unsupervised visit on Christmas Day if the parent aide feels that will be safe. I can hardly wait to meet the parent aide (that should happen next week at the latest) so that I can let her know how important it is to make that decision -- and soon -- so that we might, just might, be able to at least get them some family time on Christmas Day.

And I wonder....what happened to the child who really had all those injuries that his initial report listed?

Moments that Break Your Heart -- Take Three

Last time I did this, some readers added some of their own in the comments. 
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She's 3. Her mother is working hard on her case plan and they will certainly be reunified...eventually. One night, she talks about how much she loves this toy that she has at your house. You casually mention that she can take it with her when she goes back to Mommy's house. She replies, "I don't want to go to Mommy's house. I want to stay here."
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He's 10 months old. He's been in your home a week. Already, when you try to leave him with someone else, he cries and reaches back for you. When you return, he lights up and reaches his arms out for you to pick him up again. Other adults coo, "Oh, he's so attached to you!"....
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She's 3. When it's her turn to say grace at the evening meal, she rambles on, mostly dropping in phrases that she remembers hearing others use when they pray. She thanks God for the food and for her "family and friends". She prays for face-less others, asking that God will "help them not be scared" or "help them not feel 'lone." And she always asks that God will help those same others "go to their Mommy's house."
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She's the biological mother of a child in your care. She has been working her plan with energy and enthusiasm, even volunteering for additional drug testing to prove herself and signing up for parenting classes above the minimum required for her case plan. During a routine phone call -- so that the child and Mom can talk more frequently than just at their semi-monthly visits -- she asks to speak to you. She asks if you've heard from her case worker. She wants to give him an update on how a certain part of her case plan is going, but he won't return her calls.
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She's 3. She's been saying ugly, mean things to other children. When you impose the consequence for such behavior, she begins to sob. "Mommy doesn't love me anymore."
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Child is in your care for a year. In that time, she has 4 caseworkers. When the fourth one comes onto the case -- 9 months in -- everything in the case plan for reunification is complete except for housing. The fourth caseworker is the one who realizes that the mother's current housing was never actually checked out to see if it would be acceptable. And it is.
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She's 3. She's been asking for a few weeks when she can "have a sleepover" at Mommy's house. You've told her you're waiting for the judge to say it's OK. When it's finally approved, you tell her she'll get to spend the night at the next visit. A few hours later, she says she wants you to come with her to Mommy's to spend the night, too.

Who They Are -- N

N was so close to being 10 months old when he arrived, we might as well have called him that. As I finally find time to write this post, he is 11 months old, having been here for over a month.

He is super sweet -- he hugs and snuggles and "kisses". He lights up when the people he loves appear....and he has quickly attached to me and to our oldest biological child. He is attaching more slowly to Mr D and the other two kids. And when I say "lights up", that almost understates it. He grins with his whole face, his sparkling eyes nearly disappearing in chubby baby cheeks, and his chin lifts up towards the person he is greeting. He waves his arms excitedly or lifts them towards me in request to be held and he kicks his feet furiously. (He's not standing alone yet.) If he's in crawling position already, he will head towards me (or Peter) at all speed.

I'm not as concerned about his attachment to me as I was at first, because he has shown some normal, age appropriate "stranger anxiety" as well. When I drop him off in the church nursery, he cries as soon as he realizes I am leaving, but he is fine in less than 5 minutes. When strangers in the grocery store try to talk to him, he stares at them blankly for a few minutes before maybe granting them a smile, a "word", or some hand clapping.

He does not like to be left to play alone, which is also age appropriate. He will entertain himself with toys for short periods if someone stays nearby -- I see him checking periodically to ensure I haven't snuck off -- which at least makes it possible for me to put his clean clothes away in his room! Mostly, though, he likes to play with someone or to be on the go somewhere.

We've had an assessment for developmental delays, and he is very slightly behind in motor skills and on target every where else. So, we will begin physical therapy soon.

He sleeps amazingly well and wakes up happy. Although I can tell that he likes some foods better than others, I've still never had him refuse one. (He will refuse food when he's full, so I don't think this is a "history of nutritional neglect" symptom; I think he's just what my mother used to call "a good eater.") Seriously, still the easiest baby I've ever had.

The CPS investigation into his injury is "complete", but everything is in something of a holding pattern because the police investigation isn't finished. I'm a little confused by all this, because I don't see how a child abuse investigation can be complete if we still don't know if there will be a criminal complaint filed. This is our first case in which child abuse charges have been considered. I suspect we will never really know if his injury is the result of some terrible accident or the effect of someone reaching a breaking point at which they snapped and hurt him; it seems to be clear that it was not part of a larger pattern of consistent, regular abuse.

I am finding it easier than I expected to set the "why" aside. I have trouble imagining him being difficult enough to lead anyone to that point (and I'm not naive about how difficult infants can be -- I had one with colic), but I've discovered that I just don't think about that all that much. The "what happened" and "why" are not our part of the the process. Our part of the process is to love on this little guy; to care for him and to ensure he is safe for the time that he is in our home. And that is what we will do.