Thursday, August 23, 2012

Who They Are - D

D is a 5 year old boy.

He was due to start kindergarten the day after they were taken into care, so he missed his first day. We live in a different county, so he started here about 2 weeks into the school year.

He adores his "momma." When his grandmother talked to him at court before they went before the judge about going to live with his daddy, he told her he wanted to stay with me. Since then, however, he has declared that he wants to go to Daddy "until Momma gets out of jail."

He does not like the rules and boundaries that we have set in place and is fighting them with every fiber of his being. He is aggressive and angry. In his first week of school, he came home with bad behavior marks on 3 out of 5 days. He says he doesn't know why he does things like push people or not listen to his teacher when she tells him to quiet down. He screams and cries when I try to talk to him, no matter how gently, about a behavior that needs to change.

He told me he wishes he was with his momma, because "momma don't care about school." He also says he "hates this house" because Momma doesn't have rules. (We often explain our rules in terms of "at this house, we....don't hit .... use nice words.... sleep in our own beds.....")

He is shocked and angry when I enforce the consequences that I warned him would result from certain behavior. I say, "If you can't walk with me in the parking lot, you will have to hold my hand." Within 3 minutes of my saying that, he is dancing over the cracks in the middle of the road, about 10 feet from me. I call him over and take his hand, and he tries the whole way to the car to twist it away from me, crying and screaming the whole time.
He reacts to the simple homework from Kindergarten with anger and frustration for about 10 minutes..."I can't! I don't know what to do! It's too hard!"....then, when I don't let him give up, settles down and does it all. Usually correctly. In a very short amount of time.

He is just so angry and so scared. He hits and bites himself when he melts down. I've already sent in a plea to hurry up his assessment for counseling because it is so obvious to me that he needs help figuring out how to handle all those big feelings. More help than I can give him alone.

The caseworker thinks it is likely that he will be sent to a family member at the 10 day hearing. (Might be Daddy, might not.) I have mixed feelings. Although I don't know how long I can handle the aggression and the anger and the lashing out....I want to see him in a stable environment. With counseling. And I don't know if he'll get that in a family placement. But maybe there would be less anger and lashing out with a family member? I don't know.

Trying really hard to hand this over to God and trust that He will guide the people making those decisions. Praying those people are listening to what God wants them to hear.

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