Friday, March 15, 2013

"Normal" is not OK

I am currently screaming through keyholes and banging on doors (figuratively, of course) in an attempt to get some sort of counseling in place for S. She is literally banging on doors and screaming. The response I get from caseworker after caseworker?

"This is normal in children her age around this point in a placement. She's just so frustrated that it doesn't seem like anything is changing and she feels like she's been here a long time."

OK. I know all that. I'm frustrated by those things, too. How 'bout some professional help for her to learn how to PROCESS THOSE FEELINGS? Or at least professional advice for me on how to help her?

"Oh, we can't refer her for counseling until she's 4."

So, it's normal for 3 year-olds in care to scream themselves hoarse and hit walls until their hands bleed....but it's not possible to get them help? How does that make sense?

Foster care sucks.


  1. That is super crappy. For her and you both. It's not uncommon to not refer until 4, but that doesn't mean that there aren't services available. In terms of what you can do on your own, have you read "The Connected Child" (, it has helpful advise for adopt and foster families alike. Also perhaps check out The Child Trauma Academy (, it might have some helpful stuff.

  2. Foster care sucks is my mantra. :)

  3. Thanks!

    I have The Connected Child and have been trying to work some of the suggestions...I just keep feeling like I'm flailing and was hoping at a minimum to get someone to talk through specific scenarios with me. You know, for how to react when I follow Dr Purvis's script but the 3 year old hasn't read the book and therefore says/does something that isn't included? :)

    Will check out the website -- thanks!