Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Surrender update

Cherub Mamma, it amuses me that I'm able to shock you, of all people, with a bad caseworker. In my mind, your Minnie is "the standard against which all badness is measured" (to quote The Big Bang Theory's Raj on Star Trek V). M's caseworker seems to be disorganized and incompetent....but at least she's not actively working against M's best interests.

The date for M's mother to revoke her surrender of rights has passed and she did not change her mind. I know this because the agency caseworker called M's mother herself (after the county caseworker -- big shock, here -- didn't respond to any requests for updates after the deadline date). M's mother stated that she felt it was the best decision for M. Not only did she decide to stick to the surrender, she told the caseworker that she would like M to be adopted by us.

That was a surprise to me -- I'm not sure why. I think I'd been assuming that she wasn't thinking that far ahead, or possibly that she was thinking that the father stood a good chance of getting custody if she removed herself from the calculations. I find it gratifying and humbling to hear that she is not just choosing to surrender her rights, but actively desires to give her child to us to raise. It wasn't a casual or easy decision for her; it was a conscious effort to put her child's needs before her own wants. She is not in a place right now to be able to competently parent and she knows it. I am still praying for her -- praying that she finds the support and help she needs to kick this addiction.

Since the county caseworker isn't talking to any of the rest of us, I don't know exactly what this means in the short term. In theory, there would be just one more visit -- a "goodbye" visit. So, this week's visit might be last one for a while....unless the father's going to have visits on his own. One of the things this caseworker said the last time I talked to her that confused me was that the putative father has legal rights right now. I don't think that's true. It's certainly not what I've been told by other parties to the case. And why would he have been required to do a DNA test if all he had to do was claim paternity?

We don't know yet what the father wants to (or will) do. We also don't know yet if he's actually the father. The DNA test results aren't back yet. Well, they may not be back yet. I obviously can't assume that something hasn't happened just because it hasn't been communicated by the caseworker!

And, as always, so thankful that M doesn't have to understand what's going on...because I sure couldn't explain it!

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